i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
