I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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