I got chris browned last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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