i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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