honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
