fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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