I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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