I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
