Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
