her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
