break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
