Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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