R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
