This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
