im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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