Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
