If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
