I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
