Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
