we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
