my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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