Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
