Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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