Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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