So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
