I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
