i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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