areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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