I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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