Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
