I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
