It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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