Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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