Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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