whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
