i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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