youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
