I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
