Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
