someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
