I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize