Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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