I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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