Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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