I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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