people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
