She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
