Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
