Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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