I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
