Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
3 2 1 whiskey
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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