Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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