he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the day after is always just damage control
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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