he shaved USA in his pubs
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
