First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
