No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
