You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
