This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
