we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize