worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
