did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's always time for handjobs
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
