Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
