tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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