you guys were way drunker than both of me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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