so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
