Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I looked at my own cervix.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
