In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
