so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize