Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
