the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
