Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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