The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
