I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
