Where did you get a picture of my penis
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
