im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
