From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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