Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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