Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
