She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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