I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
