it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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