cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
