the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
