plz talk dirty to me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize