I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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