so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
