well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize