So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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