I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
