it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
