i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize