so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
