when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
