God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
