she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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