we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
