I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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