I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
