Don't make out with my wife yet
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
