i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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