I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
