I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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